My Mother, My Angel

Nothing could have prepared me for the rollercoaster ride I would go on when my Mother passed away last year.  Despite reading a book on the subject and doing a lot of internet surfing, trying to find the right message, words or path, grief simply does not make sense.  

I know that death is a loss that everyone will experience.  I have read that grieving occurs in fits and starts and rarely follows the same pattern, even with two people grieving for the same loss.  There isn’t a neat little package tied with a bow.  Yearning and sadness seem to fade as time passes.  But that is not because “time heals all wounds,” it is because other activities take over and you think about it less and less. 

Sometimes I actually feel guilty if I quit thinking or feeling about it as if somehow that is inappropriate.  But I also believe that laugher and happiness in spite of my loss will allow me to heal and adopt a more healthy coping style.

I have learned that you should not tuck grief down in your belly.  You have to give in to it in safe places.  Allowing yourself the opportunity to “lose it” at times is very cathartic and can help you take the next step towards moving on.  If you don’t, it will come back to haunt you later and you’ll start overreacting to things that normally you would handle quite easily.  It is either now or later and I have chosen now even though I have spent so many days crying and agonizing.

Memories are comforting and make me feel sometimes as if the separation isn’t as final.  I am learning that you can keep the memory alive yet fully engage in life.  But I also find that people don’t want to talk about it when I do – it makes them terribly uncomfortable.  If you want to clear a room, start talking about your Mother who passed away.  One of the most important lessons I have learned is that listening to someone who is grieving is the most special gift that you can give. 

I intend to find the meaning in this loss.  I now give my Mother’s life meaning by maintaining traditions, celebrating each holiday and also writing about it and sharing it with others.

So, while grief can ambush you at the most unusual times, I am going fully through it in order to come out on the other end happy, healthy, whole and well.  This is my mission.

If you are reading this article because you have lost someone you love, look for the hidden treasures they left behind.  They are everywhere if you will stop, look and observe. 

My wish for you is that your grief be short, your life be long and your journey be filled with amazing days.